Chrissie Chevasutt (transfemme she/her)

“I was interviewed by the vicar and told I needed an exorcism. I wasn’t part of any church, I was trapped in my own home and bedroom by severe agoraphobia, hallucinations, and in the midst of a psychotic and physical breakdown. I was attempting unsupervised withdrawals from opium addiction. I was severely malnourished after weeks of begging on the streets of India, and later was diagnosed with two diseases contracted whilst in India. The day of the exorcism, I had to walk a mile to the Vicarage, past the motorway bridge. I was suffering violent suicidal thoughts. During the exorcism, I felt nothing, saw nothing, and heard nothing as two vicars supposedly cast demons out of my life and body. As I walked home, I felt totally cheated. Nothing had happened, nothing had changed, and the suicidal urges and voices within me were as loud, persistent, and tormenting as ever. I don’t believe my exorcism, which would qualify as a Major exorcism, was authorised by the Diocesan bishop, and if it was, no GP or clinician was consulted or consulted with me. I was a fragile and vulnerable adult, only twenty-one years old.

I have suffered from violent and tormenting suicidal ideation from the age of puberty, until I came out as being a transgender woman, forty-five years later. I believe that violent suicidal ideation was a direct result of both the exorcism, and subsequent sessions of ‘Conversion Therapy’ and exorcism by the same vicar. The exorcisms were an imaginary fantasy on the part of the vicar, and a total misdiagnosis of my condition, and the caused life long addictions. Exorcism caused me severe trauma, and the suicidal ideation to deepen its power and torment over my life.

The suicidal ideation evaporated from my life totally, when I came out at the age of fifty-four, as a transgender woman, and admitted who I really was to God, to my family, and my communities. Forty-five years of violent suicidal ideation totally disappeared from my life within months, simply because I chose to be honest. Only then could I begin to heal. It is not authority and power that sets us free, only perfect love and truth can do that! Being loved for who we are, heals us and sets us free."

Chrissie Chevasutt is employed by St Columbas United Reformed Church, Oxford, as ‘Outreach and Development Worker with Transgender, Intersex, and Non-binary People’, now in her fourth year of ministry. She is also Catechist of Exeter College Chapel, Oxford. Chrissie was one of the pastoral leads for The Oxford Safe Churches Project, and organises the Annual National Transgender, Intersex, and Non-binary Theology Conference. Her book ‘Heaven Come Down, the Story of a Transgender Disciple was published by Dartman, Longman, and Todd in 2021.

She was a Pastor in the Vineyard Church, in missions training with YWAM, is a life-long cyclist, expert by experience in trauma and trauma informed care, and doesn’t get to dance or part nearly enough as she needs to. Chrissie relates very strongly with those who have had their faith and lives shattered by High Control Religion and spiritual abuse, and is currently walking through that desolate experience herself.

Matthew Drapper (he/him)

"I was put through a series of anti-gay prayers, which took the form of an exorcism. I was told to speak to the "demons of homsexuality" within me as if they were wild dogs you want to leave you alone. I was told to "break" my agreement with Satan. I wasn't aware I had made an agreement with Satan, but in that moment, it felt as though I had, and I was filled with fear, shame and self-loathing. I was told the prayer team could see the demons leave me "hand in hand" through a window. After this event, I felt empty, confused and full of guilt and ongoing shame, especially as I came to realise I was still gay, and unchanged. Over time and by forming friendships with other LGBT+ Chrsitians, I came to understand that being gay was not sinful, and I was not broken for being attracted to people of the same-sex. I have found it hard to forgive myself for going through the attempted exorcism, though I understand that I was not left with an alternative at that time. Since then, I have struggled with flashbacks to the moments in that prayer room, with sudden feelings of fear or despair, and an inability to trust my own feelings or gut reactions. I'm continuing to learn to love myself, day by day."

Matthew Drapper was raised in a high-control cult, and is a survivor of anti-gay “Conversion Therapy”. He researches Queer History and Modern Exorcism. Matthew Drapper coined the phrase: “Demons arn't real, but I am.” He is the author of two books, “Bringing Me Back to Me” and “Lesser Light”, and wrote the Condensed History of Modern Demons (link: https://demondrop.wordpress.com/) as a free resource.

Rev'd David Babbington (he/him)

In my quest for love, support, and a sense of belonging, I was met instead with the harsh words of prominent figures who labeled individuals like me as unworthy, sinful, and in dire need of healing. In an institution that preached healing, I found myself engulfed in feelings of shame and self-loathing. I started to reject my true self, questioning if those in leadership could possibly mislead me. They held my hands in prayer, but that phrase carried a weight I didn't grasp at the time. They prayed for the so-called demons that resided within me to be expelled. I was made to believe I was vulnerable to demonic possession, and these individuals claimed their sole purpose was to 'save' me. Looking back, that was a grave misconception. Once comfortable and joyous in my identity, I found myself grappling with self-hatred. The church laid upon me a guilt rooted in their prejudices, slowly eroding my spirit and well-being. It took me countless years to realise that the demons they feared were nothing but their own projections. They infused my once-vibrant life with their fear, shame, and disgust. Ultimately, through the passage of time, I managed to reclaim my existence. I consider myself fortunate, as my faith in God remained intact, even while I lost trust in those who shamed others in His name. Today, I embrace the man God made me—an openly gay individual, still on a long, beautiful journey of self-discovery.

David Babbington serves as a priest in the Church of England, having survived the torment of Exorcism and Conversion Therapy in both his own denomination and others. He led charismatic conferences nationally and internationally before establishing and running Pride events in the UK. He is now happily partnered, lectures in Pastoral Theology and Reflective Practice, pastors a national group for LGBTQ+ Asylum Seekers and Refugees called Emmaus and advocates for all churches to abandon the abusive practices of Conversion Therapy and Exorcism against those who are created LGBTQIA+ and for them to take responsibility for the pain inflicted on countless individuals, families and communities.

Daniel Mackenzie Lyons (he/him)

My name is Daniel Mackenzie Lyons, and I am a survivor of Conversion Therapy & Exorcism. As all the studies and research supports CT and Exorcism practices devastate lives, and my lived experience attests to this.

As a person recovering from the effects of CT and Exorcism, a process that has taken decades evidenced through mental health consequences, active addiction and internalised homophobia and transphobia. This healing journey has without question saved my life.  Where once I was consigned to the dustbin of mental health services & Conservative Evangelical church communities that operate the iron fist of “love” in the velvet glove of shame, judgement and rejection 

However that is most certainly not the end of the story…

My recovery with a great deal of help, support and self acceptance has grown and evolved over decades. As those of us with lived experience know, recovery is not linear, but is entirely possible, when we share our stories and heal together as a community. 

These days I am an out and proud member of the LGBTQIA+ community. I qualified as a therapist in 2008 and I specialise in working with the LGBTQIA+ community. Specifically I work with the areas of Trauma, Shame and Conversion Therapy recovery. I can live comfortably in my own skin these days, as I believe wholeheartedly, that we as LGBTQIA+ folx are all “fearfully and wonderfully made.”